The Break Up: Week One

I have managed the first week with remarkable simplicity.
I cried. I grouched. I kept busy.
There hasn't been much sleep involved, thus my moods are becoming increasingly dicey and sharp. Hopefully tomorrow I will figure in a nice nap to catch up on some of my heavily decreased shut-eye. I just cannot manage to go to sleep at a reasonable hour regardless of how close I am edging to the line between plain tired and weary or fatigued. Each morning I wake up and think, "Tonight I'll be asleep by nine!" or "Today is the day for that nap." It makes no difference; I always find something to do instead. It could be that I am afraid of the moments before I have reached the shores of sleep when I would be laying in bed with only the company of my thoughts. It could be that I've lost my sanity, or perhaps just my self-will. Whatever the reason, I remain resolutely awake.
In the past few days I have delved into a bit of research on the actor Christian Bale who has been somewhat intriguing to me ever since I discovered him in "Little Women" as the beloved Laurie. His fierce privacy agitates my propensity to want to know everything. That propensity coupled with my persistent fascination with things I can't know or places I am not allowed to go, is a compelling force in my psyche. However, I am at this moment regretting the aforementioned propensities and fascinations. The ever-so-interesting Mr. Bale made a movie called "American Psycho" which I am relieved to report that I did not watch but also very sorry to say that I did extensively read about. The resulting state of mind can be described by no other word than disturbed. Why is it so easy and thrilling to ignore the kindly voice in my soul that warns me to stop reading... or not say... or don't do...? I do hope that the day will come when it has become my guide rather than the silly thing that tells me what i should (oh curse that word!) do.
I began this post with the intention of detailing my first single week in two years. Perhaps tomorrow... After all, tomorrow is another day.